At This I Draw the Line

Mara A. Cohen.  Jewrotica.  2015.  Original URL:

lighting match.jpeg


This is as far as I’m willing to go:

I will call the butcher to order the chicken.

Four pounds, innards removed, tressed.  

I will go to the market to buy the chicken.  

Also a bag of those little potatoes.  

And a shallot.  

Some carrots.  

I will defrost that loaf of challah taking up space in the freezer.  

I will roast the chicken and set the table.  

I will set out the candles and the book of matches.  

I set at your place the silver kiddush cup you used at our wedding.  

I will not set at your place the ancient yarmulke you refuse to wash.

I will put it on the arm of your chair instead.  

I will wait patiently while our daughter strikes the match but it fails to light.  

I will wait patiently while our daughter strikes the match and it breaks.  

I will wait patiently while she strikes the match and lights first one candle and then the other.

I will lose my patience when the flame on the first candle flickers and dies.  

I will cover my eyes and recite the blessings.  

I will ask if you are enjoying the chicken.  

I will thank you for clearing the table and helping to load the dishwasher.  

But at this I draw the line:  

I will not sit on the couch in the living room while you read me the Torah.  

I am going to bed now.

Because it’s time to f-ck.